Indecisive
I really don’t know what I want in life. And lately the only things that have been stable is my relationship and my work ethic. Decisions decisions. And I can’t make any. Because I don’t know how. All the options that are handed to me kinda ends up to be a bittersweet result. Either way…I don’t know what to do. Lately, I’ve been contemplating on my future career and I’m not very much into being a teacher anymore. I think I tricked myself into being one. I love being around kids and they are inspiring and knowledgable for small things still trying to figure out the world. but I don’t want to be a teacher. I realized that one day that I just liked the idea of taking care of children. The idea of taking care of my own and maybe using other children as practice. But it’s not the same. And I shouldn’t be thinking about a child anyways…cuz I don’t want one right now. I want to keep going with my wedding dresses and see how that turns out. But I don’t know how much good that will do to me. And the money for the business….oye. Then deciding to live with or without my dad. Kate is leaving with my mom soon…and as much as I hate seeing her leave it had to be done. But fuck. It hurts more than the tattoo….and that shit hurt. Crying at night and randomly during the day ain’t the business. I’m really in the middle of everything. Plus I hate to leave my dad all alone. His whole life has been his daughters. “I have more fun spending time with my kids than spending time with anyone else, even myself”. What will happen if we’re both gone? Even though its bound to happen, it seems too early. He says that he doesn’t mind what i choose and he’ll be okay on his own if I choose to leave. But I know that he isn’t ready. And I have no idea what to do. Risk is the bitch because it can either make you or break you with the price of sacraficing a few things along the way. Risk is a bitch not life….life is just the neutral friend that agrees with whatever you believe is best for you. But it means everything to life I guess…..so sketchy…
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